_____________________
I could make you happy
Make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends
Of the Earth for you
To make you feel my love, To make you feel my love
Can't wait for this week to be over. For 2 reasons actually, one being my driving practical test on Friday, and a 21st birthday party on Friday night! Hopefully I go to the party smiling and not frowning. God save me. Praying very, very hard that all goes well on Friday.
Things have been going smoothly at work so far. Though I think I could put in more effort in preparing materials/teaching methods for the kids. I feel inadequate. I really don't want to screw up their understanding of a subject because I'm messing with their minds somehow.
Sigh. Put your nose to the grind, Nicolas!
Wow, 4 years have passed and it's another leap year already.
Hail Mary.
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Death & Company
Attended a funeral wake yesterday. It was my grandaunt's. My first wake I've attended in 5 years. Never liked them. Who does?
One thing's different for sure. I've grown up. I've matured. I've learnt to face death strongly. I didn't shed a tear this time.
I didn't want to go for this wake initially, but something tugged at my heart. My grandaunt, I hardly knew her, we were from different branches of the family tree. This year, when we visited her house during Chinese New Year, she took my hand and held it tight. I was taken aback by the gesture initially. It felt weird. But there she was, holding my hand in hers and stroking my hand gently while speaking fondly of me, as though we had known each other for a long time --- a grandchild in her eyes perhaps. And in less than a month, she was gone. Heart failure. But she knew, she knew that she couldn't last through the week.
Does one know when his/her time is up?
A life lived fully, fulfilled. Last night at the wake, there were tears, but there was laughter as well. As people spoke fondly of her, old photographs were passed around and I had a glimpse of her past and my family's past. It was beautiful in its nostalgic glory. Maybe that's what she wanted, and many others too, that in one's death, one helps to bring the family closer.
She's passed on. Today she will be sent off. Rest in peace, grandaunt. I will miss you, your beautiful smile, your chuckle and your hospitality during Chinese New Year. Though I only see you once a year, you have touched me and I'm sure many others in the years you have lived on this planet.
Rest in peace.
Hail Mary.
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Time Machine
I’m going to embark on a time machine
If I would be able to go meet you again
I wouldn’t ask for more
Before it becomes a distant fleeting memory
I need a time machine
Teaching has been an interesting experience. It really isn't easy keep the class in check and making sure they're paying attention. I'm glad though, that the students actually bother paying attention to what I say and not drift off into their dream lands.
I think most of the time we take our teachers for granted. From a teacher's point of view right now, there is an immense amount of effort and time put in just to conduct 1 period of a lesson.
I worry that what I'm trying to teach them is not getting through. Personally, I'm still learning and trying my best in the subject. Not only do I have to get my facts right, I also want the students to understand the points that I'm trying to put through to them.
For the past few lessons, I walk out of the classroom thinking... crap I could have done better! Maybe the flow of the lesson should have been as such, etc.
Ahh, worries worries. Hopefully I get my act together and make sure every lesson is engaging as possible.
Hail Mary.
_____________________
Where I fall is where I land
You're entering the next chapter of your life, sadly its the final chapter, but it's also the longest.
If you play it right, it's also the best.
"I pretend to be a different person. I did it because it's not me, I did it because I'm not sure who I am."
You expect people to be better than who they are, and you expect yourself to be better than everybody else.
Hail Mary.
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Because of You
I cried a lot because of you
I laughed a lot because of you
I believed in love because of you
I’ve lost everything because of you
I’m speechless, suffocating and lonely
The world without you has
Chewed out my heart
Stomped on my dignity
Torn my heart apart
So why did you leave me behind?
Because of you, I push myself.
Because of you, I find it hard to face reality.
Because of you, I learnt that the world isn't such a great place after all.
Because of you, I feel lost.
Because of you, I find it hard to find the words to say.
Because of you, my soul feels empty.
Because of you, Nicolas.
Hail Mary.
_____________________
21
In a blink of an eye, we have come to the second month of 2012. Was motivated to update this blog after having a chit-chat session today with my colleagues in school.
So what have I been up to since the last post? Well, I was busy being an Auxillary Instructor (AI) for a combat course for new 8SIR trainees, that took up an entire month. Though I felt really bored going through a combat course again, it did give me a chance to look back on my NS life through the eyes of a commander, while giving advice to the new men that were posted to Clementi. Furthermore, I had the chance to make new friends and build on past friendships, I think that to me was something important that I took away from army after I ORD-ed in December. ORD was bitter-sweet, I finally saw my pink IC again after 22months. It was something great to look forward to indeed. Thanks guys, you guys kept me going through all the ups and downs during our NS life.
Took a break in December and now I've started my new job --- relief teaching back in school. It's been a great few weeks so far, and I've made great friends with whom I don't think I'd ever have a chance to had I not started relief teaching. You guys know who you are! :)
But I gotta say, the best thing that has happened so far was celebrating my 21st birthday! I was fortunate enough to book 2 hotel rooms at Crockfords Tower and I am very grateful that 20/08 and my VS friends took the time to come down and give me an amazing 21st birthday that I will never forget! Also, to my awesome coffee gang, for taking the time to plan all the surprises for me on the day itself! You guys are amazing! Loved all the presents and cakes (Bakerzin!) that you guys got for me! Appreciate it! Best.birthday.celebration.ever.
Here's to the next few months going well for all of us, wherever and whatever you guys are up to! All the best!
I feel inspired to start blogging again after finding out that people still read this blog! Here's hoping I follow through! Now if only blogger will stop being a bitch... like now... Y MY POST NO SHOW UP IN THE RIGHT COLOUR AND FONT???
Hail Mary.