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Random Pictures Post!
From everywhere and anywhere and who knows when!
VJC Dramanite: No Holds Barred
Picture with Kenickie!
Gosh he looked super hot during the drama performance!
Heh.
Getting cuddly~
Aww, so sweet.
JX is probably gonna kill me for posting this but... I don't care! (:
Rayson wants attention...
Gee is basking in the attention...
JX doesn't care about anything...
We look like a really weird boy group here.
Maybe it's the flowers.
The flowers are pretty, no?
Camwhoring with Kev whom I haven't seen in a long time!
Our camwhoring skills are still intact! =)
The Enchantment of Sangkuriang
Drama outing at the Esplanade to catch a play our drama teacher was acting in!
The poses we're doing are poses that we saw in the play!
Cool huh.
High School Musical!
Not.
Rawrr!
Pink background!
Gosh, my hair looks so weird...
Pictures taken during drama rehearsals with Xiu Qing!
This is zero.
One.
Two!
I bowled rather well during this class outing!
Heh.
Picture with Marissa during her last day in TJ.
She was really brave to decide to switch to Poly.
Wishing her all the best! =)
Our class hangout!
Bryan's shy.
Haha.
Lex catching 40 winks...
and so is Neritta!
During lecture furthermore... tsk tsk tsk.
Red shoes are LOVE!
Worn proudly by Aisha, Paul and I!
Happy post ends here!
Yayness. ((:
Hail Mary.
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Self Ass Team
We had civics yesterday. Our form teacher had us do this little test to determine the level of self-esteem in each of us. So we had to answer 16 true/false questions and guess what my results were… I think any of you would have guessed… I have…
LOW SELF-ESTEEM & SELF-WORTH.
Yup.
Okay, honestly, I thought I would be in the middle range but it seems I don’t have a really good judgement of myself. It has been long days on end where I just feel… or rather, don’t feel at all. It’s like a silent beast eating you from the insides; you can feel it writhing through your veins, your organs and snapping out of your throat hungrily. But once you think you have got rid of it, it rears its ugly head and slithers back down into the nothingness.
I’m confused between 2 things… change and adaptation. Are they the same? Or are they worlds apart? The fine line between the 2 seems to be very blurred and it’s very indistinct to me nowadays. So I question myself, have I changed as a person? Am I just adapting? Am I adapting to change... or is it the other way round...
Someone please enlighten me.
Hail Mary.
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Alas...
Yesterday was the last day for House Committee (HC) nomination forms to be handed in. My friends, who are in Students’ Council, have been urging me to join HC but I have been apprehensive the whole time. Anyways, I didn’t hand in the form. I don’t know if I made the right decision but I think that I'm happy with what I have now.
I feel kinda bad that I didn’t listen to them, but if I joined HC to accede to your requests, I wouldn’t be doing it for myself anymore. School hasn’t been that great either… I’ve been failing tests and all, and I just feel that I haven’t been putting in enough effort. It’s probably with all this shit that I feel apprehensive about signing up for anything.
I hate the fact that I’m labelled as an appeal student. When I log into my student account, I see that I joined by “appeals”. I definitely can’t take things for granted because I’ve been given this “second life” but it's sucky when you don’t do well. Maybe it has made me stronger as a person? Or weaker? I don’t know.
But what I know is, if you did get into the school through your merit. Own it, I say. OWN IT. Stop giving me the crap that you’re too busy with this and that or you hate your life in school, and that’s what’s bringing you down. HELLO, I’m trying to prove to myself and others why I AM HERE,
WHY I CAN LIVE UP TO MY, OR OTHER’S EXPECTATIONS.
So I’m trying my best to survive here, and so should you.
Suck it up, people.
I know we can all do so much better.
Hail Mary.
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Cyber sex
PW discussions really do suck up your time. But when you manage to do something productive, it really pays off. I keep complaining that it’s “such a waste of time!” though. Anyways, Friday’s PW discussion was great ‘cos we managed to settle on our topic almost immediately. I think I sparked off the discussion which was uber cool, all I said was “cyber sex” and all our brain juices just started flowing. Kudos y’all!
Of course, our topic is not cyber sex. What do you think we can propose? Organize online orgies and evaluate the pros and cons? I don’t think so. Alright now I sound dirty. But didn’t you know that I’m all about sex, lies, drugs and violence? That sounds bad, but, whatever. You can quote me on that if you believe me so.
We had another round of PW discussions today and we were fairly productive. It took us a really long time to spark off but it came fast and furious after we did! Uh-huh. Jiayou Group 5! Our GPP is so gonna kick some serious ass.
Moving on, drama rehearsals have been really tiring. Yups. But I think it’d all pay off in the end. My butt hurts. I knew that dying was difficult, it’s hard to fall down and not look like you’re faking it, even though you are. I didn’t know it’d be so painful, though. No pain, no gain huh?
The art of dying --- simple, sweet, yet oh-so-complex.
Back to submerging myself in all the shit surrounding me now.
Hail Mary.
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Let It go
“Nobody can say that they have no one to talk to.”
This quote has struck me since last week and it’d probably stay etched in my mind for a long time.
I think Hope is playing hide & seek with me. We always say that in any situation, no matter how desolate it is, there’s always a flicker of hope. If something has drifted away from you, and you think there’s no way of getting it back… I think I’d rather let it go.
I’d cut it.
Maybe it might feel happier if it is set free.
Some people say I'm thinking too much... but it's more on self-reflection, evaluating oneself to see what's going wrong.
Pretty much what I’m trying to do now is questioning my own doubts and needs.
And I quote from a conversation I had with a friend not too long ago:
”Who wants their friends to be hurt?”
- Nicolas
Hail Mary.
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Craaaaack!
Alas, Nicolas has fallen sick from the toll of schooling life. He doesn’t think this is so though. He feels it is more of a sign of weakness, that his body is unable to resist the foreign pathogens that invade his frail body, and eventually his mind.
Now he lays at home bed ridden and thinking to himself, why he is in such a sorry state. And he has thought hard and he has come up with a little anecdote he would like to share with all:
There was a fishing rod. It was a beautifully-crafted fishing rod that took months of blood and sweat to complete. He walked into the store that had aisles and aisles of fishing rods. He looked around, awestruck by the sheer number of rods that peeked out at him. Each one seemed to call in perfect harmony; it was a symphony of agony. They wanted to be liberated from the wires that held them in place.
But there was this one rod that drew his eyes to it. “It is amazing”, he thought, as he ran his fingers down the smooth curvature of the fishing rod, pausing at slight moments to feel the tingle run down spine. He wrapped both his hands around the handle of the fishing rod and gripped it hard. It gave him security… and at that moment he decided that he needed it so.
They spent countless months and years together; they were meant to be together. On fishing trips, the rod brought him much joy as he pulled aboard fish after fish that he sold for a substantial amount --- it kept his life going. After every fishing trip, he brought the rod home and polished it ever so carefully, admiring the gloss and shine of its body. He smiled, and he saw his smile through the reflection on the rod.
One day, he brought the fishing rod on yet another fishing trip. He had long regarded his fishing trips as adventures where he could put his skills to good use and fight long battles with fish that struggled mercilessly at the end of the fishing wire.
But today was different. He had set up the fishing road at the end of his boat and waited patiently for the fish to bite. One hour, two hours, three hours… usually it did not take that long for the fish to bite.
He didn’t want to give up and return home empty handed, and waited it out. His eyelids had started to droop as he lay lazily on his chair. Then he heard a buzz. The reel of his fishing rod and started to turn and with each passing second, it whirled faster and faster! He squinted at the reel, thinking to himself if it was true, that a fish was indeed biting. The revolutions of the reel put him in a trance and he shook his head violently to snap out of it. He rushed forward and gripped the handle of his fishing rod and started reeling in the line, turning the reel at periodic intervals. “Damn,” he thought, “this fish is strong.” The fish tugged and tugged and tugged while he fought as hard as he could.
Then he heard a crack. An angry zigzag scar raced down the body of his fishing rod. It could take no more of the pulling. Thoughts raced through his mind, the times they had spent together, the day they first met, would his time with his fishing rod end right now?
There were only two things he could do; cut the line of his fishing rod and risk damaging it, or fight on at the expense of losing his beloved. He closed his eyes in deep meditation, the only tension coming from his arms that held on dearly to his fishing rod. In fact, his hands held on to two lives; one that wanted to be saved, and one that needed to be saved.
Everything froze at that moment.
Hail Mary.