You run, you duck and you hide.
Sunday.
I lay on the sofa in the comforts of my rustic family room. The metal foldable table a few steps away was strewn with notes and books. A pen here, a pencil there and my trusty highlighter littered the table.
My eyes felt like they were on fire. Mucous oozed out from my eye sockets and tears welled up and flowed fast and free every few seconds.
It almost seemed like life was seeping out of me, bit by bit. My eyes were bloodshot red. I felt possessed by the devil. I looked up at the ceiling; a vast expanse of white. In my mind, I whispered my thoughts to God. If a blank white space was the last thing I see, I would be content. You never know, I may wake up blind the next day because life is unpredictable and cruel… Maybe I would “see” the world in a better light…
I feel consumed by misery.
Why, world, why?
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World, I loved you.
_____________________
Hail Mary.
TWENTY-OH-EIGHT, Y'ALL.
Today is a special day because it is 20/08/2008!
And it is also…
OUR CG BIRTHDAY!!!
Happy birthday 20/08!
You guys rock!
All the best in promos!
May we bond more as a class in the many months to come! (:
Send me all the photos please!
_____________________
Hail Mary.
Dear friends, so long
My blog posts have been really outdated recently. Just like my school work. Let me think what I wanna write about now… Hmm.
It’s been a while since I’ve actually bothered about religion. I mean it’s all around me, if you know what I mean. And for the past 2 months, I haven’t been going to church at all, simply because I have lost the will to. But for the past 2 weeks, I’ve been trying my best and making a conscious effort to attend mass.
And thanks to my friend who’s been there helping me along the way.
You know who you are.
Sometimes, when we feel that life is a circle, we lost track of things and we lose ourselves. The start, the end, the middle, they just go round in loops. Then you think… I want to go back to being myself… whoever that is. I think I need to re-discover my faith for now… at least to tide me through for the rest of the year.
I want to go shopping again one day. I wanna go brunching with my friends again someday. But for now, I think I need to start cutting people out of my life. That’s Nicolas, you see, easily distracted by people and things around him. That’s why he fucking FAILS.
And I need to change as a person. Apparently people are annoyed that I keep using certain words in my speech. I’m sorry if I have offended you. That’s how I express myself, friends.
Shall I start this week?
I can’t cut people out of my life; I have stuff like PW which requires people interaction… dammit. I wanna be left alone for a while.
Fuck-fuckity-fuck-fuck-fuck.
This is so annoying.
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Back track to last week.
We had national day celebrations in TJ that day. I must say it was rather interesting with a proper concert and all. Hated the loud music, loved the comic moments of the performers. Overall, a lovely and happening day that I enjoyed tremendously.
Didn’t manage to take much photos cos I was in the mood for any click happy moments.
Here’s some:
Our very own UG march past.
Ade’s in the middle (in blue) with Benji beside her.
I can describe it in one word: FIERCE.
Group picture! =D
If you look close enough, we all have red hair!
Yeah, we got our hair spray-painted.
After National Day celebrations, we hopped over to marina square to catch Money No Enough 2 which wasn’t half as bad as I thought it would be. Though I swear I could have rolled my eyes so hard at some lame sketches in the show until my eyeballs popped out.
But watching some scenes really did bring me back to incidents that happened in the past and stirred the emotions in me. Hmm.
Oh yes, and walking along City Link mall in a group of 5 with red hair and all really attracts A LOT of attention. We looked like some beng + lian gang trying to pick a fight with people. Coolness.
So if you want to attract a lot of attention when you’re walking along
_____________________
Hail Mary.
I'm not yours, I'm fat.
Just had a crazy week with long, drawn out days and oodles of tests!
So very exciting, y’all.
Anyways, this long weekend will be anything but.
Tons of things to do and many more tests coming up next week. I’m gonna have a hell of a time burying my face in books. This is weird but, I can’t seem to post happy posts anymore. It’s really disturbing actually. I’ve been drafting out lots and lots of emotion-driven posts in my head over the past few days but I shan’t post any, lest I make your day worse. I mean, I’m not the saddest creature on earth, right?
So let me back track for a little.
Speech day last Saturday was well, awkward. Was it nostalgia, jealousy, the inability to socialize or something? I don’t know. It was wildly weird. But I would say it was nice to catch up with friends and teachers alike. Oh yes, the teachers commented that I looked/grew fatter. Er, okay thanks! It’s been a really long time that I’ve been called fat.
It was the first (and last!) time that I have gone on stage during speech day to receive and award that embodies the years that I spent in Monitors’ Council. I guess it was recognition that I had done some things that actually helped make a difference in school. Mmmhmm.
Okay, I don’t wanna make this a long post so here are the pictures!I got some of the photos off other people’s blogs and photo albums so thanks y’all!
I'm trying to look proper in my TJ blazer.
I tried!
Hans, Ernest, Bryan and Mu Yao.
I don't know what Ernest is pointing at...
Mu Yao is looking diabolical!
Mu Yao and I!
Marcus and Bryan.
I want your fringe, Marcus!
Hans & I!
Again!
Marcus is trying to get in the picture!
I think we whored like a million times.
The others must have thought we were so retarded.
Hah.
We're representing Monitors' Council, y'all! (:
It's so hard to find a fellow TJCian!
Here's Bryan!
Looking good.
Danial and I!
Thanks for the picture! (:
Alumni shot!
=)
PS
Sorry about all the red-eye shots!
Bad camera!
I think my medal is pretty! =D
Happy National Day, y'all!
_____________________
Hail Mary.
Bye Past
“What’s past is past.”
- Charlie
from Charlie has a dream, Pedro asks a question and Madam waits by the door.
I am sorry that I do not comprehend the actions and thoughts of my fellow humans. It’s hard to let go of the past, but holding on to something that is beyond our ability to keep is plain stupid. Putting in the time, money, energy to create a picture of the past --- precious resources that we all need to pursue our future is plain stupid. But a past we try to mould again is but a veil, a shadow of what it is supposed to be. Heck, it is nothing like what we want it to be.
I am sorry that some people just cannot seem to let go. I want to say that I feel you, but I can’t. I feel sympathetic that you are unable to move on with your life. It’s quite pathetic really, trying to replicate your past when you know you simply can’t. But what is more detestable is that, you drag others down with you. You put others into your picture without considering the fact that not everyone wants you in theirs.
I am sorry that I have tried my best to put aside differences and move on.
I am sorry that I bother. I am sorry that I feel like I am being taken advantage of. I am sorry that I need to bear the burdens of others when there is simply no need to.
I am sorry that it is not in my nature to abandon others in the lurch. I am sorry that I condemn such behavior. I am sorry that people don’t want you in to be in their pictures. I am sorry that people are self-destructive. I am sorry that people give up when they simply don’t need to. I am sorry that I cannot guide your direction in life. I am sorry that I feel responsible for your life. I am sorry that I feel inclined to be sorry. I am sorry that I need to experience “I need to bang my head on the wall” mood swings coupled with waves of depression. I am sorry that others are getting bored of my complaints and small talk. I am sorry that I need to confide in others. I am sorry that I need to use this blog to vent out the emotional scars in my life.
I am sorry I am Yee Zheng Wei Nicolas.
I am sorry that I am not you.
I dread tomorrow.
Goodnight.
_____________________
Hail Mary.
