_____________________
We can just pretend.
"If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands!
If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands!
If you’re happy and you know it and you really want to show it, if you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands!"
Amidst the resounding applause, my ear drums were nudged by a niggling voice from my side.
“But I’m not happy, why should I clap?” he asked.
“Well,”
I contemplated.
Speechless; something clicked in me in that moment. It did make sense. But I couldn’t keep quiet for long; silence meant affirmation but it also meant that I had resigned to my lack of acuity.
I continued speaking, half-clapping while trying to find the voice in my head.
“Er… that’s right; you shouldn’t clap if you’re not happy. But you can pretend.”
I paused. What did I just put into that kid’s mind?
For the record, the kid did clap along. But my way of convincing him? Not all that good.
But I learnt something, I really did. I learnt that I cannot allow others to live in the world I’m in and I cannot let them feel the way I do. It is impossible to do so, in my opinion.
Maybe, just maybe, I seek to find comfort in that familiarity. Although I think, it is warped. My familiarity is warped.
And I don’t intend to correct that anytime soon.
A song that connects with me, and I think fits this post really well.
Mayday - 你不是真正的快乐
Click here to download
你不是真正的快乐
你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了 也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂关在永远锁上的躯壳
你不是真正的快乐
你的伤从不肯完全的愈合
We can just pretend, we can just pretend.
Yeah, yeah.
*clap clap*
Hail Mary.