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Such is life
It was a boring moment for me a few days ago. Before I drowned in all that boredom, I whipped out my handphone and scrolled through my SMSes. I’m the kind of person who keeps messages that invoke feelings in me. Be it a happy message that makes me smile or one that reminds me of a beautiful memory that occurred at some point in my life. It seems my messages represent different turning points in my life, most from the past year anyways, since I stupidly lost my handphone last year. This phone is but a virgin to me.
Now, as I scrolled through the messages, I realised something. There were these few messages I received that were total opposites of each other. The first few were messages that were filled with joy and I felt happy reading them. But the following messages, they were a total nosedive from the previous few. They made me feel that I was needy; it felt as though there was desperation scribbled all over those messages.
So… what? I need emotional enlightenment now? I need to be reminded of what are the important things that you need in your life… and I need them?! Somehow, it involves me.
I think I am an amazing person actually. Call it self-praise or whatever. Come to me for some sordid advice on “Letting your social life go up in smoke in 7 days.” I’d be glad to help. Trust me, I checked the date of the messages (it was a span of a week) and I MARVELED at the fact that I had such an accomplishment. I was amazed at how I completely ruined my life in 7 days and how it aaaaaaaaalllllllllllllll went downhill from there.
I had an epiphany! :D
I seem to be having lots of those nowadays. Anyways, friends, from now on, this brace-faced bitch here ain’t gonna be revealing any shit to you. No no, you can beg and grovel or execute whatever demeaning act you want to do to yourself, I don’t exactly… let me find the word. Hmm. Care.
Why the switcheroo you may ask? Well, sometimes when you reveal stuff to people, you want to have that protective bubble around you, right? Like, you just want to be enclosed to have people backing you up and giving you support… etc.
But, I realised that they are the exact people that I have been hurting.That’s right. Thank me, because I refuse to let you guys be the ones who have to feel burdened with all my crap. Because I know you guys want to find out my reasons… but others want your help to know about me to help them acquire something about me through you. And I can’t let that happen!
I will not let you feel cornered.
I know I sound like a mood-swinging, PMS-y S.O.A.B.
But I’m all for your welfare.
So deal with it.
Hail Mary.