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Bye Past
“What’s past is past.”
- Charlie
from Charlie has a dream, Pedro asks a question and Madam waits by the door.
I am sorry that I do not comprehend the actions and thoughts of my fellow humans. It’s hard to let go of the past, but holding on to something that is beyond our ability to keep is plain stupid. Putting in the time, money, energy to create a picture of the past --- precious resources that we all need to pursue our future is plain stupid. But a past we try to mould again is but a veil, a shadow of what it is supposed to be. Heck, it is nothing like what we want it to be.
I am sorry that some people just cannot seem to let go. I want to say that I feel you, but I can’t. I feel sympathetic that you are unable to move on with your life. It’s quite pathetic really, trying to replicate your past when you know you simply can’t. But what is more detestable is that, you drag others down with you. You put others into your picture without considering the fact that not everyone wants you in theirs.
I am sorry that I have tried my best to put aside differences and move on.
I am sorry that I bother. I am sorry that I feel like I am being taken advantage of. I am sorry that I need to bear the burdens of others when there is simply no need to.
I am sorry that it is not in my nature to abandon others in the lurch. I am sorry that I condemn such behavior. I am sorry that people don’t want you in to be in their pictures. I am sorry that people are self-destructive. I am sorry that people give up when they simply don’t need to. I am sorry that I cannot guide your direction in life. I am sorry that I feel responsible for your life. I am sorry that I feel inclined to be sorry. I am sorry that I need to experience “I need to bang my head on the wall” mood swings coupled with waves of depression. I am sorry that others are getting bored of my complaints and small talk. I am sorry that I need to confide in others. I am sorry that I need to use this blog to vent out the emotional scars in my life.
I am sorry I am Yee Zheng Wei Nicolas.
I am sorry that I am not you.
I dread tomorrow.
Goodnight.
Hail Mary.