Saturday, October 27, 2007


Screw up? Lighten up.

I don’t think there’s any point brooding over any subjects that we have sat for so far in the past week. There really isn’t.

No matter how many times you tell someone u screwed up or did something careless/dumb/whatever. It changes NOTHING.


The most you can get into is a heated debate amongst your friends and what do you get in the end? A sore throat. So much for productive discussion…

A certain person has been MSN-ing me and asking me if exams are fine. I feel kinda bad/annoyed talking about it and I don’t appreciate the fact that maybe you’re already a six-pointer and have always done so well in your studies your life is going great and WOW, now I have to be bothered about your life?

I say, go get a new life darling.

Many people have also ranted that they have fucked up their exams and everywhere you hear people going fuck this, fuck that. Blah blah blah. Well, what’s there to be so fucked up about?

In the end, YOU are the one who pens down the answers in your exams script. YOU are the one who decides to sit for that paper.
YOU DECIDE TO COME TO SCHOOL FOR ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT EXAMINATIONS OF YOUR LIFE.

So stop telling me how badly you have screwed up, do you not think that I haven’t either? Life still goes on doesn’t it? Work harder for the rest of your papers then. I think I have suffered more setbacks than many of you so don’t you come complaining to me.

I’ve told myself not to feel regretful or sad that I dropped French last year. But I just can’t help it. Until now, Physics is still a bane and a bore to me. I can’t seem to score well for it. French on the other hand, was my best scoring subject apart from English. Physics gave me my first F9 of my life, you know. That’s like utterly depressing.

My Physics teacher is probably tsk-tsking me now but I really feel that I should have just sat down and thought through things even harder. I should have dropped Physics instead so I wouldn’t be in this state of mind right now.

I do have my reasons for dropping French but it doesn’t outweigh the depressing thoughts and fear in my heart now. I do feel scared and freaked out that I can’t get what I want in life and I always question myself.

Heck, I even cried a few nights ago before I fell asleep. But I can’t show it, can I? Probably because most of the people around me are oh-so-smart and this just makes me feel small. A perceived sign of weakness, insecurity, jealousy…? I don’t know.


Alright, the guilt is creeping into me now and I think I shall go hit the books again.

Bye biatches.

_____________________
Hail Mary.


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Nicolas Yee
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30 Jan '91
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