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I wanted to blog about Graduation Day.
I wanted to gush about everyone and everything about Graduation Day.
I wanted to post lots and lots of pictures of Graduation Day.
I wanted to write all my thanks to everyone after Graduation Day.
I wanted to make it the most memorable and heartfelt post of my Graduation Day.
I wanted to… I wanted to do so many things.
But I can’t bring myself to.
Not after what happened.
After the Graduation Day award presentation, the fun, the laughter, the joy and all the cheers and being rammed in the face during the spelling cheer, it couldn’t compare to what happened as I made my way home.
I bade goodbye to everyone and made my way across the road. Vincent was accompanying me across and we decided to cab home instead. It had been a really tiring and eventful day and we were inevitably, drained.
We crossed the road and waited for the taxi to arrive. I stuck my hand out to flag the taxi down. Caught a glimpse of 2 other VS boys crossing the road, Vincent told me who one of them was, a person whom I have met and spoken with before. Turned around and continued looking out for cabs.
Finally managed to get the cab, as the cab slowed down for us, a car zoomed by and a sickening thud was heard. What happened in front of me next was the image of a VS boy on the windshield of the maroon car and then being flung on the side of the road.
I was shocked. And I wasn’t the only one. What happened next was just a flurry but I’ll detail it as best I can. His friend turned around, bewildered at the noise, when he saw his friend on the ground, he just stared and whipped out his handphone, but I guess he was at a loss too.
The maroon car stalled a distance away. The driver, a lady, seemed to be immobilised at the steering wheel. The braking lights were still on and the car remained stationary. No more movement from neither the car nor the driver.
A group of boys from 4F were at the bus stop at the side of the road and they quickly ran across the road to see what was happening. One of them started dialling for an ambulance. 2 joggers approached the scene to check out the commotion.
The VS boy was sprawled on the ground. His tie was over his back and he clutched his head with his hand. I saw the back of his body so I don’t know how severe the injury was. His hand slipped of his head, and he just lay there.
I got into the cab with Vincent and while trying to see what was happening, we forgot to tell the driver where we wanted to go. That wasn’t the priority at this moment. Someone in school had to be notified. As our cab drove off, Vincent made a few calls to his band friends and I frantically dialled for the other student leaders whom I believed were still in school
The ringing was endless, 2 calls to 2 other Victorians were met with engaged tones. What was happening?
“Should I tell a teacher?” I questioned Vincent nervously. He affirmed my question and I dialled for Ms Tang.
The ringing started again.
Thankfully, Ms Tang picked up the call and I reported what happened to her. I could hear that she was beginning to feel uptight too and I told her as much details as I could and she hung up.
At that moment, the emotions stirred up in me. Should I have stayed back to help? Should I have approached to see if I could do anything? Did I not have the moral courage to stay back at the scene? I kept asking myself, what could I have done? Am I a coward? No no, he’d be fine. There were other guys to take care of him. Being there would only add to the commotion.
But you could have helped! You could!
I reeled from the images that raced through my mind. Oh god, it was the first time I’ve ever witnessed an accident in my life.
Vincent was fine; it wasn’t the first time for him.
The cab driver was giving us his version of the accident and we discussed about it for a while. Oh man oh man oh man.
I reached home and I told my mum all about it. She too, was shocked at the news. I messaged Ms Tang to find out about the situation and she said he was okay and was under treatment… On our Graduation Day, the last day of school, slightly over a week to our O Levels. And just a second or two…
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I made my way to school today as per normal. Mr Low made a very serious announcement to the school and stressed on road safety. The images continued flashing through my mind. That moment, that split second, the collision…
I couldn’t be there to listen anymore so I made my way down to the library. Related the incident to the staff of the library and Mdm Ng asked if I needed counselling. I asked myself that too but I told her I was fine.
Throughout the day, the images kept recurring. Even now as I type this, my mind is filled with the incident and I feel suppressed somehow, like I can’t breathe properly.
The only reason why I’m typing this is because Mrs Setho told me to. She told me to let it out in words, through pictures through listening to music… Both she and Ms Tang came into the library and gave me a long talk about everything that happened.
Mrs Setho wouldn’t be appeased when I told her I was fine. She said she would check up on me. I said I was fine but I couldn’t control myself, I felt warm and flushed all over, my hands trembled. Was it the air-conditioning? I questioned myself mentally.
Ms Tang told me that my call helped a lot as she was able to notify his parents quickly and Mr Low was informed too. I heard she accompanied him on the ambulance… Somehow, I felt a little comfort but it was only temporary. I’m still thinking if I did the right thing…
Oh gosh, I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know!
I asked Ms Tang how he was but she wouldn’t tell me. She told me not to be concerned and just focus on the more important things at hand, my exams for example.
I’ll try my best to move on but the image keeps popping into my head when I’m not focussed on other things.
I need to find time to repair myself, I really do. I need to put it behind me, but I think it's gonna take a while. Please give me the space that I need...
And guys, please stop discussing about it. What happened has happened and the more you guys chat about it around me, it affects me.
Please, I hope you understand.
Please be on the road to recovery, we’re all behind you, supporting you and praying for you. I’ve spoken with you before and you helped me in my work, I appreciate that. Now you need to find the strength in yourself to battle your way through.
Be safe and well.
Hail Mary.