Sunday, August 19, 2007


Oral/Aural/Mental Discussion



The giant tree in the background is like VS, where the lights are the student population who decorates her and determines how beautiful she is. That, I think, is the job of us Secondary 4s who will contribute to decorating her with our ‘O’ level results.

Ask yourself, how brightly do you want VS to shine?

The night winds blow strongly against the lights hanging down from the tree. Will you be strong enough to withstand the external conditions around you? Will you continue hanging on for dear life to the tree or fall down into oblivion below? That of course, depends on you own will to WANT to hold on and not because you HAVE to hold on to the branch of the tree.

There is a lamp in the middle of the picture. The lamp represents someone like me who stands alone amongst the crowd. The tree behind me is adorned with the lights of others who are shining brightly.

I may not be able to beautify the area like the decorative lights on the tree, but my light craves to shine more brightly than others. My body is dark, thin and tall (ok, I know I’m not tall at all), if you aren’t careful you might just walk into me. I may seem insignificant, and little pets choose to pee and defecate on me. I may stick out like a sore thumb among the rest but that is because I want to prove myself. Prove how brightly my light can shine.

Because when darkness engulfs you, you scramble for any means to have a light in your palm, because the sight of light is a comforting hand that caresses your face.

I want to be the lamp that shines through the darkness, to be able to hold my own against the rest, to be able to stand tall and proudly shine my light to illuminate the path in front of me. I want to walk the path that I have set my mind to.

The juxtaposition of the lamp and the tree, together with the night sky as a backdrop, creates a picture that is both beautiful and endearing. The purpose of this picture is probably to highlight that fact that all of us want to be an individual who stands out from the rest, but somehow, it requires courage and maybe even validation. We fear the judging of other people and when we succeed we feel compelled to stay in tip-top shape.

I suppose it also calls out to me as an insight to my future. Though I’m rather sceptical about everything, hopefully, something good will come out of it.

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After being appointed as a Peer Leader, I would want others to share their problems with me, to be able to give them sound advice and probably brighten up their day. But what if you can’t solve your own problems, you can’t heed your own advice, are you practising what you preach?

If someone discusses a personal problem with you, you feel coerced to keep it to yourself. Others know that the person is having issues, and question you about it. Do you tell them about the other guy’s problems? Is it morally correct to do so? I want to tell others about his problems, I really do, but what if I hurt him in the process? He has confided his issues in me, but I can’t seem to help him in any way, is that bad?

Somehow, his burden has become mine. But it’s even worse when I have my own problems that I have to deal with. Seriously, is being caring a help or more of a hindrance…?

Sometimes I just go:

“Why do I have to deal or listen to the problems of others when I can’t even handle those of my own? Do I look like I need more crap in my life?
It’s like rant, rant, wham, bam, thank you ma’am. It’s like my ears are fucked by your words and incessant ranting. Thanks a lot, now I have to carry even more on my already sore shoulders. =)”


I’m feeling damn annoyed and pissed at some people and I can’t stand the sight of them. But I can’t let them know how I’m feeling because I don’t wanna sour our relationship, I guess I’m just paranoid or going crazy under all the stress or whatever.
I’ve been dreaming of bursting out in tears over something and yet I don’t know what it is. It kills me to try and find out what I should do.


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Lalalalalala, topic jump again.

Anyone heard of head-banging therapy?

I had a splitting headache 2 days ago, the fucking Panadol didn’t work and so I was desperate to ease the pain or distract myself from it. So I just started smacking my head on my desk and pounding my forehead with my fists.

Didn’t seem to hurt, so why not?
Boy, was it fun! =)

Oh yeah, I asked Vincent to slap me and I actually burst out laughing. Heehee.
And Matthias helped me to continue the head banging momentum.

Thanks for comforting me, I guess.

I should so do it more often, hey guys, feel free to smack me in the face when my head feels like popping! Wheee.

Of course remember to ask me nicely and say “Please?”

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Going on a sabbatical after this post so yeah, I need to find myself again. Some of you may probably hate me or think I'm going nuts but don't worry, I'd feel better if I don't talk about it.

So yeah,

BLOGGING HIATUS!


Probably till after Prelim exams.
Wish me luck for oral exams tomorrow!

Tata! Muacks!

_____________________
Hail Mary.


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Nicolas Yee
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30 Jan '91
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